“What’s In Your Wallet”…er… Junk Drawer?

June 4, 2024

I’m sitting down to write an update and my mind wanders because I am struggling with how to begin and I have lots to share.

“Dang! I forgot to freeze that left over tenderloin from the other night.” And up I jump to the refrigerator. Tenderloin transferred to a freezer bag but I really should write the ‘frozen on’ date on the bag. “Now, where is that Sharpie…”

The kitchen junk drawer of course! The first Sharpie was dry, hmmmm, looks like the cap didn’t make it back all the way on after it’s last use. There’s another one in here somewhere… I’ll pull out the drawer just a little further. Wow! This drawer is deep, it just keeps going and going. Huh, there’s a lot packed in here…

It’s been a few years, eight to be exact, since we moved in and I don’t think I’ve done anything with this drawer except continually shove things into it that I don’t know what else to do with. No time like the present! I pour myself another cup of coffee and dive into the kitchen junk drawer. This is what I discovered, which is currently displayed on our breakfast nook table for all the world to see:

Nineteen packets of fresh flower food, four rolls of scotch tape and one of masking, four packets of wildflower seeds, seven keys of unknown origin, two straight edge scrapers, two boxes of matches, five pairs of scissors, three mini flashlights, a door stopper, five lighters, four measuring tapes and one straight edge ruler, two jigsaw puzzle pieces, multiple refrigerator magnets of all shapes and sizes, an empty glasses case, pens, pencils, sewing needles, thread, safety pins, and rubber bands. A marble, a luggage tag, a nail file, a broken chain, a staple remover, six two cent stamps, a glass bead, three pencil sharpeners, a pair of tongs, a wine opener, assorted batteries, a yellow highlighter, a pair of reading glasses, various business cards from people I have no recollection of, and a twenty-five year old Texas Instruments hand held calculator (that STILL works!!).

What’s missing though is a working black Sharpie.

Now that the chaos in my mind is now resting on the table in front of me, I can share that I had my three month follow up CT scans and brain MRI in early May and the news is still very good. I am managing the side effects of treatment well, gaining back the weight I lost, learning how to manage my chemo curls and planning cataract surgery. I will repeat these same scans in August and until then I plan on enjoying my summer. My yearly echocardiogram and blood lipid tests were good as well. Other than the insurance discrepancies from a year ago challenging my serenity, it looks as though there has been no residual damage from the Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy event I experienced last May.

May was definitely a busy month. On the 2nd, I testified before a Colorado State Senate committee in support of Biomarker Bill SB24-124 and on June 3rd, I joined with other ACS CAN advocates, survivors and bill sponsors at the Governor’s Mansion as Governor Polis signed the bill. Truly a special moment for me as well as many others. I’ve shared the American Cancer Society, Cancer Action Network’s press release link below if you would like to read my comments and an explanation of the bill.

On May 11, I celebrated with other lung cancer survivors at the University of Colorado Cancer Center’s 5+ year Survivorship Celebration. We were treated to a very moving event with heartfelt and poignant talks and gift of sublime music by Dr. Patil on the piano.

June looks to be somewhat calmer and my dance card will be filled with catching up with friends and spending as much time with our daughter, son-in-law and of course, Benjamin who is growing by leaps and bounds as he explores all the surprises and magic found in a three year old’s world.

Now I must return to my kitchen junk drawer. Finding metaphor in every day life, I am reminded of eight years ago when we moved into our current home and how excited we were to be taking on this new adventure. The yard was craving loving care and we had completed most of the remodeling on the inside. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that our lives would be shaken to their cores in a matter of a few weeks. Some of the resurfaced items will once again go back in to this handy drawer because I don’t want to try and remember where I might have relocated the scissors, tape, measuring tapes and a lighter or two. But most will be repurposed or discarded. Such is life.

Our lives look very different today than they did eight years ago. Much has been lost and much has been gained. I’ll do my best to make room and prepare for the new to arrive while taking my time saying farewell and thank you to what no longer serves, allowing for completion and making the new hellos that much sweeter.

I will however say a quick and hearty heave ho to at least three quarters of the fresh flower packets. It’s time for a fresh beautiful bouquet… and a new Sharpie.

Link to press release – https://www.fightcancer.org/releases/bill-increasing-access-biomarker-testing-certain-coloradans-becomes-law

https://news.cuanschutz.edu/cancer-center/lung-cancer-survivorship-celebration-2024

How to Just Be

November 17, 2022

Struck by the synchronicity: On November 7, 2016, I was sitting in the infusion room getting my first doublet dose of chemo, looking at a 5% chance of surviving five years and feeling scared, overwhelmed, sad, mad and fragile. When I look at the picture of myself and that first infusion, I can’t help but wonder where that woman has gone. She was angry and pissed off that she was being asked to walk this path, and rightly so. I feel so much compassion for what she/I went through on that day. Determined to make the best of a crappy situation, spinning her wheels trying to find someone or something to blame. She/I was afraid of becoming a burden and of not being ready to say goodby.

November 7, 2022, six years to the day later, I was a floor away from that same infusion room preparing for my umpteenth PET/CT, laughing and chatting with familiar faces about Thanksgiving plans. I am having a difficult time putting into words this juxtaposition of events. Am I still that woman in the picture? Six years of cancer treatment has changed me, how could it not? I’m a specialist now when it comes to my own personal disease and there are times when I’m still sad, mad and fragile. My biggest fears remain the same, I am most afraid of becoming a burden and of not being ready or willing when the time comes to say goodby. I have the blisters and calluses of a trekker and the vision of a seeker, walking a road that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

In May, when I was in the hospital with a small bowel obstruction, I came the closest to date to facing my deepest fears. There weren’t any good options if the obstruction didn’t resolve on its own and I found myself at the mercy of fate. One of the surgeons bluntly told us that even if the obstruction did resolve I needed to prepare myself for more of the same, be it weeks or if I was lucky, maybe I’d get a few more months. My cancer was once again progressing and the damage was all too clear.

A lot can happen in six years, a lot can happen in six months. My November 7 scan showed no change from the August scan, “Scan is stable…No growth anywhere!” . There are a couple of lymph nodes we are watching, my tumor markers remain in normal ranges and while I am still dealing with treatment side effects, I am not noticing any cancer symptoms. Mobocertinib has been a miracle drug for me and I cannot thank those responsible for stepping out of the box and prescribing and supplying this drug enough.

Six years since that first chemo infusion and five months into my seventh line of treatment I find the emotional roller coaster exhausting. But I’ll take it.

I’ll take all of it.

Telling Stories

We all have our stories. Our stories after all make up the tapestry of our lives. Several months ago, I was approached by Health Monitor Network wanting to feature my lung cancer story in their ‘Advanced Lung Cancer’ edition. A ninety minute phone interview followed by a 4 hour photo shoot and this is the final product. Jim and Tess handled their roles beautifully with Tess stealing the show showing off for the camera with a smile on her face and a dance in her step. She continues to amaze us with her resiliency.

I am honored and grateful that Health Monitor Network chose to share our stories, may they reach far and wide. Lung cancer remains the #1 cancer killer in the US, more than colon, breast and prostate cancers combined. Yet the dollars spent is drastically, unfathomably disproportionate in federal spending to other cancers. These statistics are beyond unacceptable and the only way the statistics will change is if our stories are told and action is taken. Share our stories. Change the statistics.

We ALL have lungs.