Particles of Speech

Adjectives are descriptive. But what does one do when adjectives are simply inadequate?

The benefit concert for yours truly last Monday was (insert adjectives here…) overwhelming, humbling, fun, uncomfortable, sublime, gratifying, surprising, etc. Bob and Shawn and Mike and Erik and Dave and Bill and Sharon (aka: Bob’s Basement Band) along with Sandy and The BoB, hosted a most wonderful night. If you were there, you know that Sharon went to local restaurants and received baked goods to sell as well as displaying/selling/donating proceeds from her son’s amazing art work. She manned the room all night and was true to her role as band den mother. Shawn not only performed and helped set up the stage but also had for sale her amazing masks. Sandy, dear lady, displayed, sold and donated proceeds from her beautiful jewelry. The BoB gave a portion of their beer proceeds for the night. Bob and the guys drug up the sound system from the basement and played all night giving of their incredible talent and generous spirit. People came and listened and sang along and celebrated. Indeed, I am overwhelmed and humbled.

I was one of those people who would hear stories about someone else’s life altering diagnosis and while having empathy and compassion, I would also be relieved that something like that could never happen to me. Could never happen until it did, that is. I’ve always operated on the belief that money is energy and I find joy in the earning of it. And so to find myself in the position of accepting money for something I don’t feel like I earned is unfamiliar and uncomfortable to say the least. Questions arise in my thoughts regarding my worthiness to be the recipient of such giving. Am I grateful? YES! I am eternally grateful for your largess and for supporting me in my process. You came to hear me sing again, or you sent checks, or called to wish me well, or sent me a prayer…you showed up for me, and I am humbled and beyond joyful because of this. I have been blessed with not only monetary support but also emotional and spiritual support. Your prayers as I have repeatedly stressed mean the world to me. They impact my healing in ways that are price-less.

My maintenance chemo infusion was last Tuesday and I’m glad to say that it has been a pretty good week. Each treatment is different and it’s hard to gauge how I will be feeling day-to-day for about a week after. April 4 will be maintenance Alimta #4 and Vignesh wants another PET scan 2 weeks after that to determine how well it is working. I continue to feel good even though I find myself somewhat hyper vigilant about every little pain, sleepless night or cough. My continued meditations helps calm the nerves and keeps me centered. I started back to weight training class and am regaining muscle that I initially lost so quickly. Stacy and the girls keep me on my toes and I look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays to see how strong I am getting.

I’ll attach a pic of me and my date for the benefit. Sorry ladies…he’s taken 🙂